Every moment I think back to, I wish I could hold on to it forever. I'm made up of those moments. Every sound, every touch, every smell, every taste; they make me who I am. Even the moments I wished would quickly pass, and every learning curve; they’ve made me, me. I remember wanting to speed up my childhood, looking to experience the things everyone around me was going through, no matter their age. Now I'm Peter Pan, not able to let go of anything. I don't want another moment to go by, I don't want another year of my life to flash past me and I definitely don't want to grow up. Sometimes I’m not even 100% sure what I’d like to do ‘when I grow up’. One moment my job is everything I want, the next I’m searching for what truly makes me happy. If I'm expected to do one thing for the rest of my life, it better be something I love.
So, what do I love? Travelling, volunteering, working with children, creating social change; that’s what truly makes me happy. When I listen to people talk about their career and hear how unhappy it makes them, I pray that I never become that person. When you are unhappy with one aspect of your life, whether it be your job or your love life, it will become a boomerang and affect every other part of who you are. What kills me is when they are unhappy because they made a decision based on money. Money doesn’t buy happiness. It never has and it never will. Yes, it is nice to have but it’ll never satisfy you the way true happiness will.
My younger brothers really inspire me. They are the only young kids I know who aren’t trying to grow up quickly. Except the fact that my middle brother is standing at 6 feet and won’t even reach 14 years of age until July. He’s a handsome boy and I hate to think of him going to high school in the fall, fearing that being in that environment will change who he is. He’s such a good kid, and so smart, and stands strong for what he wants and believes in. The younger one too; he was standing up for the 13 year old in elementary school to fight the bullies! They think girls are cute, but aren’t making out with them at parties like other kids their age, and they definitely aren’t into alcohol, drugs and violence. I know it's hard to imagine kids at 12 and 13 taking part in these activities but trust me, it’s happening all around us. I worry about their generation. They are growing up with social media and idolizing celebrities who are constantly doing stupid things in front of the cameras. There is no such thing as privacy anymore. Everything is public and everything is conveniently searchable on the web. Kids are so easily influenced, they are the definition of monkey see, monkey do. It isn't fair for the media to take advantage of their youth. They aren’t sure of who they are yet (hell I don’t even know who I am yet) and they’re going to copy everything they see to help them with their discovery.
I understand now why everyone around me was so envious of my youth as a child, even my youth as a 20-something. Every moment really needs to be completely devoured because it will never come again. And here I am, eating up every minute, trying to savour its richness; I will forever be Peter Pan. Every moment is so precious and we are constantly waiting for the clock to tick to the next. We need to fully immerse ourselves in everything we take part in so one day we don't have to reach back, straining our arms to grasp what we can't touch anymore.
Stay in your Neverland. Every second is flying by and the crocodile is ticking.
Jazz